The Avengers Universe has drawn to a close with “Endgame.” It isn’t over, of course, as a few of the characters will likely be popping up here and there, possibly gracing the screen with solo movies. (Solo, as in, films featuring an individual Avenger, not solo, as in, another Han SOLO movie. Please, God, no.)
And as we wave goodbye to our favorite Avengers, I can’t help but wonder what will happen to all of them now. Where will they go? What will they do?
None of us can be sure of anything, but I have ideas:
IRON MAN: Tours country performing in the off-Broadway revival of “Wizard of Oz.” Brings the house down with his performance of “If I Only Had a Heart.”
THOR: Takes hammer and goes into construction. Builds a house in 3 hours. Thor Communities pop up overnight. Slogan: “Get Thor for your Money!”
HULK: WWE. I mean, come on.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Runs for president on an anti-Super Soldier Serum vaccination platform. Forms the new non-profit organization advocating for shield rights: N.S.A: National Shield Association.
BLACK WIDOW, SPIDER MAN, ANT MAN: Team up to create the Avenger’s Pest Extermination Service. Jingle: “There’s lots of pest extermination providers, but only one with an ANT and two SPIDERS.”
ROCKET: Goes into stand-up comedy. Runs a Raccoon Rescue on the side.
BLACK PANTHER: Creates new car company. Puts JAGUAR out of business.
GROOT: Joins with Ents, those tree-like things from “Lord of the Rings. Forms the non-profit organization: “Trees Prefer Plastic.” Hands out plastic bags and straws everywhere he goes. Give’s 3 second “I AM GROOT” motivational speeches on college campuses.
LOKI: Anything he damn well pleases. And women everywhere will happily pay for it.