The New Hierarchy of Needs for 2020

I keep to myself a lot of things I find humorous. I do this for several reasons: 

1. If I didn’t, I would be filling your newsfeed daily, cause I find most things funny
2. Some of the things I find funny might not be appropriate to post on social media
3. Not everyone shares my brand of humor

So, many many jokes and thoughts get filed away, never seeing the light of day. (This probably comes as a shock to some of you, but yes, self-censoring does occur.) I post nothing in a knee-jerk fashion, especially responses (even though those are always the funniest) and I give thought to things before I post them, with the biggest question being:


See, I never look to harm or hurt, so I walk around a joke or a thought a couple times, just to make sure I haven’t missed something obvious. 

But, friends, I think the days of asking that question have come to an end. They’ve gone the way of the dinosaurs and jackets with shoulder pads and television programming that ends at midnight with the National Anthem and a test pattern. 

Yes, those days are over—not because I’m angry and now desire to offend, but because lately, EVERYTHING offends and the answer to that question is always, “yes.”

Even stuff not worthy of offending will offend someone. 
Personal observations offend.
Humor offends. 
A word used the wrong way offends. 
Even benign thoughts the equivalent of beige walls will be met with indignation and a seriousness far greater than they deserve.

And the thing is, I don’t like saying, “It’s a joke, people.” I’m not into explaining that to those who don’t get it. It doesn’t really help anyway.

See, there are those who desire to be offended; nay, who NEED to be offended. It is as essential as breathing. They’ve re-written Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, assigning a self-righteous seriousness to almost every issue they encounter, whipping up a frenzied indignation faster than I can down a margarita. It can’t be a happy space to live in and sadly, there’s not much I or anyone can do about it. I wish it wasn’t so, just like I wish donuts had no calories and everyone waved when you let them merge in traffic, but it is what it is.

I can’t live without food, water, sleep, and taking offense.

What I CAN do, however, is pledge from this moment forth to stop worrying so much about “will this post offend?” (Truthfully, I’ll probably still worry about it, but I’m going to try) I will continue to make my observations and if they make you think or smile or laugh, then I am glad. If you disagree with them, that’s totally okay. I disagree with a lot of people but I’m still happy to read their thoughts.

If however, you feel your blood pressure rise and the veins in your neck stick out and you find yourself wiping spittle of your screen after reading my thoughts, well, boo, this might not be the best place for you. And that’s okay, too. 

Either way, I hope you remember that none of us are making it out of here alive. 
When presented with crying or laughing, always pick the laughter. 
Choose to be happy.


(But seriously, keep an eye on that blood pressure.)

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