The Accidental CDC Guidelines for Reopening Schools

After reading the CDC guidelines for reopening schools, I am starting to think it was written as a joke after a long “liquid lunch” and then it accidentally went out.

“Hey, Steve, ya know what would be a hoot? Let’s tell ’em that toddlers have to wear a mask. TODDLERS, Steve! I got a 3 year old at home that won’t even keep her shoes on, much less a mask.”

“Dammit, Joe, that’s brilliant. Put it on the list. I got one. Hold on…hold on…what about telling them they can’t play with other kids. We’ll call it, hang on, “No communal shared spaces.”

“Are you suggesting we advise them not to go on the playground as a class?”


“OMG, buddy. I thought there was no way to top my masks for toddlers rule but you did it! Put that one down, too! Hahahahaha!

<a couple drinks later>

“Alright, I got one. I got one. I got one. I got one. I used to volunteer in my kid’s classroom and I swear to god, it’s like herding cats. So let’s tell ’em that the hallways have to be ONE WAY ONLY and on top of that, they gotta add tape on the sidewalks to make the kids stay 6ft apart.”

“OMG. OMG. OMG. STOP IT! I’m cryin’ over here!”

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