Beyonce’s Maternity Portrait

Dear Beyonce,

Congratulations! I read the news you are going to be the mother of twins. You must be over the moon. What a journey you have ahead of you; nothing compares to it. I wish for you good health and happiness and you will look stunning even after delivery, because, well, you’re Beyonce.

But, girl, we need to talk about this picture. I have, just, so so many questions and most of them start with “Why?” I’ve thought of possible reasons and narrowed it down to my top four:

1. Someone sent you a Kentucky Derby wreath and you didn’t want to waste it.

2. This was part of a float leftover from the Rose Bowl Parade.

3. You have some really really advanced version of Snapchat

or what I suspect really happened:

4. You were at the mall getting a Hot Dog on a Stick and saw one of those one-hour places and thought, “What the heck. I’m Beyonce, beeyotches. I can make even THIS look good.” xoxo

 

 

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